Our jealousy is really our insecurities.
I’ve felt jealousy. I’ve lived with it deep in my heart to the point it irrupted into bitterness and I can tell you, it was a really dark time in my life.
I’ve felt it over my sister as she fearlessly and bravely rode her horse in gaming events. All eyes were on her, people cheered as she raced to earn first place!
How I tried to obtain such success with my horse! How I wanted all eyes on me as I raced to beat the clock!
I loved my sister but how I wanted to be in the spotlight like she.
I hadn’t yet discovered my passion even though I knew it was not in horse ridding. I was trying to shine in a place that I wasn’t meant to.
My talents and skill were so much different than hers. If I would have realized that in my youth it would have saved me heartache.
I was trying to be someone I wasn’t. I was chasing a dream that was not my own. I failed at trying to be someone else but I took it as ‘I wasn’t enough’ and ‘I was to fearful to be a success.’ I took it personally when I really should have seen it for what it was: me trying to be someone I was not.
I failed at trying to be someone I can not and will never be. I didn’t see/use my talents because I wanted someone else’s.
Why did I do that?
Because I was refusing to fully embrace me. I was scared that my path might take me somewhere else. Following my sister was easier than braving my own.
Yet God kept telling me, Lesly, you were meant for something different.
It’s not recommend to argue with God, but I did.
To fully embrace me and my unique skills and talents I had to first let go of my wish to be a horse gamer. My heart wasn’t in it. I didn’t get joy out of riding horses. I truly didn’t.
It’s so easy to tear ourselves down. So easy to say “I cant do that.” And you know what… maybe you cant. Have you ever stopped to think that maybe your talents and skills are taking you in a different direction? That you are fighting so hard to walk in someone else’s shoes?
Are you truly embracing your talents and skills or are you trying to shape and develop them into something they are not?
It’s taken years to discover who I am and I’m fully certain I have not completely unwrapped the girl within. I am still on a path of discovery but here is what I’ve learned:
It’s through trial and error that we discover who we are. I’ve tried things I thought I would hate and ended up loving. I’ve done things I thought I’d love and ended up hating! Every time I walk through those situations I learn more about myself. I am on the path of discovery! I want to know who this girl is inside and what unique ways God wants to use her.
It’s so much more exciting to think of it that way, isn’t it?!
Have you ever taken personality tests???
The tests I’m going to share with you are actually very eye opening and amazing! I get nothing out of promoting these tests, I have just found them, personally, to be quiet amazing 😉
They had me pegged pretty perfect and I began understanding my hesitation in certain situations. I began seeing what I considered faults in my character were actually very normal and beneficial in the right settings. Speaking of the right settings, the tests shared what kind of settings I bloom in and what kind (with my specific character traits) are stressful and have me feeling backed into a corner.
I use my sister as an example because its easiest and we are quite opposite each other 😉 My sister is a go-getter. She is quick on her feet and makes decisions on the fly! I work at a much slower pace. I think, research and analyse the situations before I act. I would get frustrated with myself when I couldn’t just jump up and go like her. I thought I was flawed but I just couldn’t make myself do the things she could as quick as she could. And you know what, that’s okay. She operates in certain situations better than me and visa versa. Neither is wrong! We are just different.
Spectrum Personality Color Quiz which is free, unless you purchase the book which I highly recommend, explains personalities in color and what traits those colors have. Then there is Dave Ramsey Online DISC Assessment. This one is $30 but you get a full print out (pages) of your test and it goes DEEP into detail. Between these two tests I learned a ton! It’s fascinating.
Embrace who you are! Learn who you are. Learn what excites you, what scares you, what your strengths and weaknesses are and embrace everything. All of it! Own it! They are all pieces to the puzzle that make you unique and beautifully set apart. You are meant to fill a void in this world but you can’t do that living someone else’s dream. What is your dream? Where do you want your life to go? Only you can answer that so start figuring it out today! Get excited! You are beautiful! Stop questioning your worth. God doesn’t, so you shouldn’t either.